


That Poor Tailor

by KethriHolmes



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Emperor's New Clothes, Other, Pranking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 06:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3968074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KethriHolmes/pseuds/KethriHolmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sera and Inquisitor Cadash decide that a noble needs to get taken down a peg, so they plan a prank and one of Sera's "people," a tailor, gets caught in the middle of it.</p><p>Inspired by/based off of a fairy tale. I'm sure you'll figure out which one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Poor Tailor

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do a fairy tale-based DA:I fic, but I didn't want to do any of the traditional ones (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, etc.), so I came up with this. It's not very long, but I hope you enjoy my drivel, finding it as entertaining to read as I did to write!

“There has to be a way for us to get back at Mr. Prissy Pants,” Sera huffed, grabbing a mug and slumping into a chair.

Malika grabbed her own drink and ended up in her chair about equally as gracefully, almost spilling her drink as she hopped up into the chair designed for humans and elves and basically everybody except for her. “I’m sure, if we put our heads together, we can come up with something clever.” They’d had this conversation, or very nearly, at least three times today. The “Prissy Pants” in question was an Orlesian noble who had gotten too big for his breeches and had decided to start using servants as target practice because they “weren’t working hard enough.” He aimed wrong on purpose, but he was an awful shot, and he had already hit a child, two chickens, and a stable boy. But Malika’s lovely advisors had decided now was the time to stop giving the two pranksters any more ideas on how to mess with nobles. Better not to encourage such juvenile behavior, they had said. Well, Josephine had said, but Leliana and Cullen had obviously agreed. So now it was up to her and Sera.

“Maybe we could, I don’t know, give his horses something smelly so that when it comes out the other end...” Her words trailed off and she drowned the ones that did come out in another large swig of alcohol. “Never mind. Wouldn’t do that to those that have to clean it up.”

The silence became a nice crystal window between them as they stared past each other into the distance. But then Malika grabbed a mental hammer and shattered the glass. “I’ve got it!”

Sera jumped at the sudden shout. “Got what?”

Malika just grinned and raised her eyebrows. “Sera, do you know if any of the people being terrorized by Lord Doucheface are tailors?”

Sera just looked at her, confused, “I bet so. Probably, yeah.”

“Then I know exactly what we’re going to do, and I think he might just be stupid enough for it to work...”

 

“Oh, that’s all you want me to do, is it?” The poor tailor that they had found looked like he was going to fall over where he stood, but Malika and Sera were grinning from ear to ear. This was by far the best plan they had come up with to date.

“Well, obviously we can’t do it,” Malika said. “If that was the case, I would definitely do it myself. I guess I’ll just have to settle for being there to see the look on his face.”

“And what about when he figures out what I did and comes after me?”

Malika thought for a moment before exchanging a glance with Sera. “You could come work for me,” she offered. Sera gave a little approving nod.

“For the Inquisition?” He asked, incredulously.

“Why not?” Malika shrugged. “I pay better than anything you’ll get here, and I don’t shoot arrows at people unless they really deserve it,” she joked. “Nothing to worry about there since the only person who pisses me off that much is Vivienne, and she’s managed to keep from becoming a human pincushion so far. Besides, as Sera can tell you, I’m a much better aim. If I want to miss, I’ll actually miss.” Sera and Malika had dubbed themselves Team Arrow-in-your-face and liked shooting Cassandra’s training dummies from Sera’s roof while she was hitting them. It was a fun game of “miss the swinging sword,” both while they were shooting and when Cassandra came to find them afterwards.

“Yeah!” Sera agreed. “And then you can brag to all your friends that you make clothes for the Inquisitor.”

“We can’t do this without you,” Malika added.

The man looked over both of them for a long moment and then finally nodded. “Alright, I’ll do it.”

“Great! Now, the first thing we need you to do is go to Lord Whats-his-bucket and tell him that you need three days off for a special project specifically to honor him...”

 

“There is no way this is going to work,” Sera whispered.

“Have a little faith in me,” Malika laughed softly. “When have I ever let you down?” Sera opened her mouth. “On second thought, don’t answer that. Just watch.”

The tag team of terror had climbed up into the rafters of the throne room to watch the show, their scared little tailor approaching the lord down below. The lord was decked out like a king, except mixed with a clown, the pompous windbag. The only thing they could hear from this high up was his over-the-top laughter. Malika rolled her eyes every time it happened.

The tailor was presenting the lord with...nothing. Air. He was holding it up like it was clothes, but nothing was really there. The guy was really selling it though. Malika and Sera had worked all three days on the speech. Well, Malika had worked on it while Sera tried to get her to put obscenities into it. But it had to be incredibly carefully worded for this to work. Malika had wished that she could get Josephine to look at it, but more than likely Josephine would have refused. Still, she thought she had done really well, played to his arrogance. The clothes were so beautiful, that only the most skilled eyes would be able to see them. There was no way this assbag was going to admit that he wasn’t the most skilled at anything so he would pretend. Sure enough, they watched him reach forward and take the pretend clothes from the tailor, probably praising their magnificence.

Malika and Sera waited in anticipation as the lord left the room to put the clothes on. This was what they had been waiting for. The lord had been parading around that he was getting a special gift for the past three days, so the entire town was there. And then there he was, in nothing but his smallclothes.

Malika was afraid Sera was going to fall out of the rafters, she was laughing so hard. “Ffft! You are a genius!”

Malika smiled and shrugged. “I try. We should probably get out of here before someone finds us. We’re building a reputation as nobility prankers and if they catch us, they’ll know for sure it was us.”

Sera nodded. “Especially since we’re sitting up here all sneaky-like.” They started crawling away, enjoying the scene of the pretty much naked fat man flouncing around the room for as long as they could. “Still, would be worth it if they did catch us.”

The two were still snickering as they rode back to Skyhold, tailor in tow. “You know,” Malika added as they took off. “Josephine is going to kills us when she finds out.”


End file.
